Flickr Bikini Beach

Originally uploaded by 2008FEL

4 FAQs About Snorkeling in Cabo San Lucas
By Laura Ramirez

Snorkeling in Cabo San Lucas is an incredible experience bar none. Here my family and I have seen eagle rays, manta rays, octopus, sea lions, eels, dolphin and beautifully colored tropic fish. One of the reasons the marine life here is so prolific is location: Cabo is located at the Baja Tip where the Pacific Ocean meets the Sea of Cortez.

Although doing some snorkeling may sound fun to you, if you’re a newbie or if you have inexperienced snorkelers in your family, you may have some important questions. Here are some frequently asked questions and their answers about Cabo San Lucas snorkeling:

Q: Can I snorkel even if I’m not a great swimmer?

A: Yes, you can. Even if you aren’t a strong swimmer, you can snorkel because your life vest will keep you afloat. All you have to do to start moving through the water is kick your legs. You can just coast around on top of the water and look down at the beautiful marine life below or you can learn how to use the snorkel and dive down to experience the mystery first hand.

Q: What’s the water like in when snorkeling in Cabo?

A: It’s usually pretty comfortable. In the warmer months, it gets up to about 85 degrees. During the coldest times of the year it’s around 65 degrees. It just depends on how warm it is in the air and how much the sun has been out.

Q: Where’s the best place to go Cabo San Lucas snorkeling?

A: There are many great places to go, but the general consensus is that Cabo Pulmo is the best. It has the only living coral reef in the Sea of Cortez. This means that you’ll experience some pretty amazing marine life while scuba diving-sea creatures that you can’t see anywhere else make their homes at Cabo Pulmo.

Q: How easy is it to see underwater?

A: If you come any time between July and December you can see anywhere from 25 to 100 feet in front of you. This is pretty clear and easy to navigate. If you come at a different time of year, the visibility might not be so good. However, it is generally clear enough to snorkel all the time.

Laura Ramirez has vacationed in Cabo San Lucas with her family every year for the past twenty years. Check out her top-rated Cabo snorkeling spots or read her smart, money-saving travel tips.

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Randi Ingerman

Originally uploaded by Wellcome To My Life

Although plagued by the same modern problems that any metropolis faces,Rio de Janeiro still holds onto the title of sexiest city on the planet. What Paris is to love, this place is to lust, to passion.
Since being traversed by the Equator and the Tropic of Capricorn, climate dictates that the locals revel in their own god-given beauty. You’ve heard of the girl from Ipanema? She sported a bikini, likely Brazilian cut. And “Lola”—she was a showgirl—from Copacabana? She sure wasn’t wearing much for Mr. Manilow, either.

Considering their compass locale, many believe Brazil’s gift to intimate apparel is the thong. When introduced in the 1970s the thong—or G-string—reflected a culture that cared little for modesty, worshipped the sun, and placed a special adulation on the “bunda” (spoken by native tongue to describe a woman’s posterior).

Paradise beach…

Originally uploaded by ???????

Mykonos Greece, Playground Island of the Cyclades Islands
By S Pappas

How does an island made of granite, with a shortage of
fresh water, and relies on desalination, become a
world renown destination? By offering clean beaches
surrounded by pristine waters perfect for windsurfing
and diving. By offering upscale, expensive amenities
as well as traditional tavernas, night clubs and beach
bars featuring internationally known DJ’s and loud
music. By being known for nude beaches. Mykonos Greece has
earned the reputation of being Greece’s playground island.

Most descriptions of Mykonos island make some reference to
the color white…white washed roads, chalk-white
beauty, soft, white sands, dazzling white buildings
are all included in the many descriptions of this
Greek Aegean island.

Not bad for Greek island originally known as a simple
supply station and retreat for the ancient people of
nearby Delos.

Mykonos island means “Mass of Stones.” It was named for
Apollo’s grandson, Mykonos. Mykonos was the son of
the King of Delos.

According to mythology, this Greek island is the site of a
great battles between Zeus and the Gigantes. Another
legend tells us that the Giants killed by Hercules are
buried here. Are these the masses of stones?

What we do know is that archaeologists have found the
remains of the settlements of the neolithic Kares
tribe here. We know Ionians settled here in 1100 BC.
Ancient people worshiped Dionysus, Demetra, Zeus,
Apollo, Poseidon, and Heracles.

As did many of the Aegean islands, Mykonos island passed from
Roman to Byzantine to Venetian possession. None saw
Mykonos island as having much significance since it was
never agriculturally important. More modern Greeks,
excellent traders and sailors, used Mykonos Greece as a point
from which to establish trade with Constantinople,
Smyrna, Alexandria, Marseilles. World War I brought a
depression which ended much of this business.

But in recent times, the people of Mykonos island in Greece have
reinvented this Greek island as the cosmopolitan center of
the Cyclades. Myconos island is small and beautiful and
easily explored. Narrow paths through he towns both
confuse and enchant visitors. Old paths cover much of
the island making exploring the natural world easy and
enjoyable. One can hike and encounter local lizards
sunning themselves on Classical Greek ruins. It is
this combination of rural beauty and classical culture
that has created modern Mykonos Greece.

The capital city, also the largest town on the island,
is called Hora, or referred to as Mykonos or Myconos. It lies
on the west coast. Here the panigyria, the saints’
feast days, are still celebrated. These little
festivals lend respite from the rhythms of daily life.
Local families provide simple foods and wines, then
local musicians come and everyone has an opportunity
to dance.

Only on Mykonos island will you see a donkey laden with
produce, heading to market pass by an internationally
known actress. In this playground of old and new,
rural and developed, people know they can relax and
play.

Here are also a couple of more travel tips which can help you out while visiting Greece

by S Pappas greekinfo@gmail.com

Accommodation rooms in Greece Athensrooms.

Greece rooms accomodation a free apartment accomodation locator gotoplinkellas

Rooms apartments in Athens Greece Self catering Rentals.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=S_Pappas
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ph-12245

Originally uploaded by paulster2964

Escape to the Fun – And the Sun!
By Adam Singleton

Forget siestas, Madrid is all about fiestas – as it is the ultimate colourful, vibrant town with many fun annual events taking place year-round. While some Spanish cities have their specific bustling times of the year, followed by a quiet lull (or burn-out period), Madrid continues the celebrations throughout, barely pausing for a breath.

In Madrid you can be guaranteed that there is always something exciting going on – from traditional festivals to more modern extravaganzas – and there is many an excuse to let your hair down and don your finest party frock. During February, when most of the world is sleeping off the last chills of winter, Madrid is throwing itself into Holy Week – an annual celebration that takes place before lent – where people parade through the streets in fancy dress, enjoying the celebrations into the small hours. This is followed by a week of Easter celebrations, before the month of May erupts in a sea of fiestas – including Fiesta Del Dos de Mayo; with live bands and general revelry, this time celebrating the ousting of Napoleon from Spain.

Madrid has become renowned for being the city that never sleeps, as they literally celebrate each new season, holiday period, commemorative event and historical occasion. However, Madrid should not be mistaken as solely being a partying capital; it manages to retain a relaxed vibe, with all the celebrating performed in a humble manner; it is as if fun just comes naturally to Madrid, gently flowing from each Mediterranean pore.

Perhaps the most interesting fiesta to evolve in recent years has been the Jazz Festival, held every November and accompanied by two smaller inner-city festivals. There is an up-beat, inclusive feel to the whole event – with music spilling from various venues, drawing everyone in with its infectious jazz beats. In the history of the festival, many famous jazz musicians have been attracted to Madrid, including Harry Connick Jr and Ornette Coleman.

As if all these festivities weren’t enough of a draw, the city of Madrid is also picture-perfect, providing a beautiful backdrop for all this fun – dotted as it is with ancient buildings, beautiful cathedrals and tree-lined walkways. There’s a clear reason why Madrid holidays prove to be such an all-round winner time and time again.

With a plethora of events and attractions to become immersed in, Madrid is a city where the visitor will most certainly not come away bored nor without a story to tell. Indeed, when you place so many exciting cultural events in such a scenic city, it is easy to see why it is one of the most enjoyable places to spend a few days. Forget sun, sea and sand, Madrid is all about fun, festivals and flamboyance.

The information contained within this article is the opinion of the author and is intended purely for information and interest purposes only. It should not be used to make any decisions or take any actions. Any links are included for information purposes only.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Adam_Singleton
http://EzineArticles.com/?Escape-to-the-Fun—And-the-Sun!&id=1568512

_DSC9064-556

Originally uploaded by models@karlyamashita

Marrying a Russian Mail Order Bride Through Russian Dating Websites
By Jenny Rogers

The first step to marry a Russian mail order bride is to join online dating websites. Getting to know Moscow girls for dating is easy because they are ready to meet you, Western men. If you are a Western man who seeks an online bride for marriage, then register at these Russian dating sites. Some are free and some is paid services. Some popular dating singles services have thousands of Moscow girls looking for marriage. They either registered their personal ads themselves and some are registered by the on line dating agencies. Anyway, you can search brides at these personals services. There are some Russian brides online currently so you can chat with them right away. Most of these brides speak and write English a little bit, but not fluently. However, they will learn English when they come to America or any other Western country.

There are many dating agencies on the Internet which provide the convenient way for Western men to seek Russian women. Like I mentioned above, there are free dating sites and paid services. These paid services are not expensive. They also have language translators who need to translate English to Russian language. Mail order brides are different from singles online. International brides who get married with Western men are called mail order brides. Russian mail order brides are girls who come to America or Canada by marrying American men or Canadian men. The means of getting married is by online Russian dating agencies. If you know a Russian friend who can hook you up with a lady, then you do not need to join these dating websites. If you do not know any friend who can hook you up, then the best way to get a Russian bride is to seek her at online dating services.

Mail order brides from Russia is easy to get married. Do you know why? because they do not want to get married with Russian men so they register themselves to dating agencies with hope to find foreign men, American guys or others. Free dating services provide the means for both, dating brides and American men, seek with each other on the internet. These services are not the same as online dating services. They are different. Seeking dates online is not the same as Russian mail order bride services. After you know a woman from any dating agency, then you chat with her, talk to her, and you have to travel to Russia for a face to face meeting.

The rule is that you should not chat with only one girl and spend about 15 hours on the plane, traveling to Russia to see her. You must chat with at least two Russian girls. You travel there to meet with both and select the best one to get married with. You should not get married with a Russian female at the first time you come there to see her. After seeing her there, come back to America, then think about your decision, then make your decision. It is extremely important for this big thing in your life. See at least two Russian women over there, then select one to get married with. Think about this way, girls in Russian do not meet you only. She may meet some American men to have more chance. She thinks the same as you do. She is not sure that you will come back to marry her.

It is better to join free Russian dating services for starters. There are so many free dating sites out there to help Western men to seek online brides. Seeking brides on Net is easy and simple. Do not wait. Take action now. Being single is not good at all. Join these free Russian dating services and meet that special soul mate of your dream.

Seeking Russian dating brides online is easy and free. Please visit these 100% free Russian dating websites where beautiful Russian girls and women are waiting to meet you. Take action now to find that special soul mate of your dream.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jenny_Rogers
http://EzineArticles.com/?Marrying-a-Russian-Mail-Order-Bride-Through-Russian-Dating-Websites&id=1542967

Campeonato Reñaca 2007

Originally uploaded by ChileSurf

Living it Up in Los Angeles
By Paul Mcindoe

If you’re a first time visitor to the City of Angels you might feel somewhat overwhelmed at the mind boggling variety of things to do and places to see. From beautiful beaches, thrilling theme parks, spectacular sightseeing and a vibrant nightlife, Los Angeles (LA) really lives up to its title of entertainment capital of the world. You will never run out of things to do in LA whether it’s your first time trip or you’re returning for more Californian fun.

Los Angeles County ranks highly in the list of worldwide metropolitan areas with a land mass encompassing more than 10,360 square kilometres. Starting way out in the west, LA stretches from the Pacific Ocean across county to the desert lands of the east offering an incredible array of activities to do in between.

The positioning of LA to the Pacific means you benefit from seemingly perpetual sunshine, idyllic beaches and even whale spotting expeditions. Santa Monica takes centre stage and is the hub of the action with a busy beach and bright pier dotted, boasting an array of food stalls and shops. Third Street Promenade and Santa Monica Place Mall are located close by and offer respite from sunning yourself on the sands.

If surfing’s your passion then either head north to Malibu’s Surfrider Beach or south to Huntingdon. Venice can also be found a little bit along the coast from Santa Monica and has been a popular spot with surfers for many years.

Stretching from Malibu in the north to Manhattan, Hermosa and Redondo in the south, LA has over twenty beaches to be discovered, so you are sure to find one to suit whether it’s a secluded spot or star studded location you’re after. If you’re taking a trip to Malibu its worth noting Malibu Creek State Park where you can hike to your hearts content and pitch a tent for the night if the fancy takes you. Santa Monica Mountains National Recreation Park is another great area for hiking, jogging and mountain biking.

Heading away from the beaches you could take a trip to Hollywood, home to the world’s television and movie industry. A trip to Hollywood wouldn’t be complete without a visit to the boulevard which houses Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, where famed movie stars have left their hand and footprints on the pavement. You can literally walk in the steps of the stars along the boulevard to the Hollywood Entertainment Museum, where you can take a peek at movie memorabilia from past and present.

The diverse metropolis of LA presents plenty of other alternatives; arts galleries and museums, parks and zoos and of course the world renowned shopping. From the hip and trendy feel of West LA to the elegance and glamour of Beverley Hills, holidays in Los Angeles are as distinct as it is varied and this first class destination is not one that’s easily forgotten.

The information contained within this article is the opinion of the author and is intended purely for information and interest purposes only. It should not be used to make any decisions or take any actions. Any links are included for information purposes only.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paul_Mcindoe
http://EzineArticles.com/?Living-it-Up-in-Los-Angeles&id=1548132

Brenda Gomez

Originally uploaded by memoflores

Las Palma Holidays – An Exotic Vacation Haven
By Luki Johnson

Capital of Gran Canaria, Las Palma de Gran Canaria is an attractive holiday destination enriched with culture and heritage. Form historical sites, rich architecture to exotic beaches, Las Palma has lots of imposing activities to offer for an incredible holiday.

Below are some of the things to do and see when holidaying in Las Palma:

Pueblo Canario

Designed and structured by Nestor and Miguel Fernandez de la Tore in the year 1930, this tourist attraction is a canary village formed by island houses, turrets, atriums and gates. Tourists and visitors on a holiday in Las Palma can shop for arts and crafts in the large square situated at the centre of the village. The centre square is also famous for being a venue for shows on the island’s folklore.

Parque Santa Catalina

Popular as a park and a town square, this tourist attraction is an amazing beauty of Las Palma. Those holidaying in Las Palma must visit this square which presents superb nightlife with discos, bars and clubs as it gets dark. The same site is completely different during the day time with most of the activities being a centre for shopping, cafes, a place for people to sit, relax and play chess, cards, and dominos or simply have a relaxation time with friends. On the other side of the square stands another tourist attraction, the museum of science and technology.

Reptilandia

Situated close to Agaete, this tourist attraction displays a variety of reptiles and crawlies. The major attraction of this park is the largest lizard, Komodo dragon. Other such remarkable attractions offered in this park are tortoises, snakes, monkeys, spiders and turtles.

Beaches

Tourists and visitors looking forward to some beach time during their holiday in Las Palma should not miss the Alcaravanera and Las Canteras beaches. Known as a major tourist attraction, Playa de Las Canteras is a 3 kilometer long beautiful beach that attracts sports lovers and swimmers alike holidaying in Las Palma. The best way to relax when on a holiday in Las Palma is to take a stroll along the beach and enjoy its cafes, restaurants, snack bars and shops. You can also find impressive street entertainers. Playa de las Alcaravaneras is the second longest beach as well as a sandy tourist attraction of Las Palma. The beach is the pride of the local people and attracts many tourists and visitors holidaying in Las Palma. You can take a stroll on the beach, drink the local beer called Cana de Tropical and enjoy the local cuisines.

Festival

When on a holiday in Las Palma do not miss its most important town festival. The Las Palm Carnival is a yearly tourist attraction that is held during the month of February and presents a glimpse of the amazing tradition and culture of the Canary Islands.

Best time to holiday in Las Palma

This canary island is cooler as compared to other islands in Gran Canaria. The ideal time for a holiday in Las Palma depends upon the purpose of holiday. The summer temperature varies from 26 ºC to 28 ºC or more, the winters in Las Palma are somewhere between 22 ºC and 24 ºC.

If you found this article useful, then you can find out more at http://www.directholidays.me.uk. Here you will be able get more useful information about many other holiday destinations, and also be able to watch various holiday videos as well as browse Holidays Direct.

Please feel free to republish this article provided a working hyperlink remains to our website –
Luki Johnson

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Mandira Bedi

Originally uploaded by Friends 360

One of the hottest photograph of Mandira Bedi till now. What do you think?

To Visit the Lone Star State – Drive Through Texas
By Wendy Pan

So many times we have all gone unprepared for a trip. With today’s technology we don’t think this can or is possible. But, if you are like many of us, you don’t have the new gps system in your vehicle either.

What ever happened to the old reliable. A Texas state road map that you can keep in your glove compartment. Well, they are still around. You can find them in visitor centers, gas stations, convenience stores even some of the large discount shopping centers.

You can find a lot of information on the Texas state road map. For example, the state flower, bird, tree and flag.

If you aren’t sure on how to read a map, you will also find a legend that explains how to read it. Some also can be found that are specific to a need, from shopping to historical tours.

It is amazing at all of the information that can be packed into a Texas state road map. There are historical points of interest that help a lot of travelers find. The Alamo is a good start. Did you know that it is located in San Antonio, Texas. But, this is only one that was found on the Texas state road map. Think of some of the other great historical finds that could be listed.

Although, it can be difficult to drive and navigate at the same time, it is best said to play it safe on your next trip to the Lone Star State. We wouldn’t want you having any kind of accidents. Make sure you have checked for all of the routes to you next destination, or better yet, make sure you have someone that can navigate for you. There are other perks for this, they can help keep you supplied in snacks and drinks. But remember don’t let them have control of the air conditioner or heater, you are liable to get either froze out of your car or turned into a roasted ham.

If you plan to visit Texas frequently, it does fold down to a nice compact size that can be easily stored in a number of places in your car. From the glove box to under the seat. They are easy to recycle, when you no longer need them or for that matter re-use.

One exciting way for reusing is simple. Use it as an inexpensive art work. You can find frames for as little as $10.00 and up. Either use it as a back drop or a picture having the map as an accent point.

Have a hankering to attempt a visit in each town in Texas, you could put the map on a wall an mark off each town with a decorative sticker or special thumbtack to mark the towns that you have visited.

Wendy Pan is an accomplished niche website developer and author.

To learn more about lone star state, please visit Texas Traveling for current articles and discussions.

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Patty @ The River / 135mm F2 L

Originally uploaded by Patricio Orozco-Contreras

Alternative Holiday Ideas in Africa
By Charles Newman

As well as the typical beach holidays and romantic getaways Africa and many other destinations have to offer, there are also several truly unique holiday experiences that Africa has to offer.

A hugely popular destination when visiting Africa is Egypt. Egypt is the home to the only surviving wonder of the ancient world, the breath taking Pyramids, which are so huge they take 40 minutes to walk around once! Children and adults both will marvel at the awesomeness of the Great Pyramids and the Sphinx, and can even take a tour inside. Additionally many chose to go snorkelling to see the true beauty of the marine life in the Red Sea, allegedly the second best reef in the world surpassed only by the legendary Great Barrier Reef. Egypt really does have so much to offer, it is also particularly suited to families, as it can be as relaxing or as adventurous as one decides to make it.

An option which is often overlooked by many when choosing a holiday is a volunteering holiday. Africa boasts a fantastic range of volunteering holidays which not only allow you to see Africa in detail, but to also make a huge difference to peoples lives. There are many different options available when choosing a volunteering holiday, such as teaching, sports coaching and conservation work. Many offer free accommodation, discounted travel, and some even offer a small wage.

In more recent years, as game hunting has lost popularity, more and more tourists in Africa have turned to safari holidays. One of the unique aspects of going on a safari is that it allows you to see all of the animals in their natural habitats. Many tourists set themselves the goal of seeing the big five, that is, seeing an Elephant, Buffalo, Leopard, Lion and Rhino.

One of the key factors when deciding on your holiday is often money. Many volunteering holiday programs now include safaris as part of the package, so taking a safari holiday does not have to be as expensive as you might think. Whichever option you decide on, it is important to minimise the negative impact on the natural and socio-cultural environments, especially with a country such as Africa. So why not make your holiday an eco holiday, which will ensure many generations to come will also be able to enjoy Africa in all its magnificent glory.

Charlie Newman writes on behalf of the Africa Collection. Find Luxury African Holidays, Hotels, Accommodation, Tours & Safaris with Africa Collection http://www.africacollection.co.uk

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pirates of the caribbean

Originally uploaded by e.nigma

1. A pirate does not ask for directions. He relies only on his gut feeling, a compass, or a treasure map.

2. Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.

3. When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare hands. Use of a hook is only acceptable in the event the pirate is missing a hand.

4. Pirates shall always wear boots, except in the case of a peg leg. Then one boot is acceptable. Flip-flops are right out.

5. Pirates do not cry, except in the case of the loss of a shipload of rum.

6. When describing the size of a treasure, a pirate is required to exaggerate by at least 130%. Flowers are not treasure under any circumstances, unless said flowers are made out of gold.

7. A pirate shall never wear lipstick, nail polish, or capri pants. Actually, that kinda goes without saying.

8. No pirate shall discuss his feelings, unless his feelings include gutting a man from stem to stern and spilling his entrails.

9. A pirate should always remove his hat in the presence of a bartender.

10. During a swordfight, swordfighting insults are required. In the event both participants are still alive at the end of the fight, the participant with the superior insults shall be declared the victor.

11. No pirate shall ever wear a “fanny pack”.

12. All foods prepared by a pirate must include rum, grog, or beer. Boone’s and other “Wench Punch” is prohibited.

13. A pirate may never compliment another pirate on the softness of his hands.

14. No pirate shall wear a bracelet or a necklace, unless it is the tooth or tusk of an animal he killed. If in the presence of cannibals, a necklace is acceptable camouflage, but only if said necklace is made of human toes.

15. Pirate Law: Dousing oneself in beer is a perfectly acceptable replacement for a shower.

16. No pirate shall drink Grog out of a glass. Grog is only to be consumed either straight from the barrel, or from a mug heavy enough to to kill a man.

17. Three-cornered hats, headbands and bandanas are the only acceptable headwear for pirates. Fedoras, bowler derbies, baseball caps, mickey ears, top hats, sombreros, or anything with lace and flowers will be removed from the vessel– head included. A grace period of one minute is allowed for hats looted from a tailory.

18. A pirate shall never wrap presents. The only thing a pirate gives is a bludgerin’.

19. Pirate Law: A pirate does not use the word “Fabulous”. Ever.

20. No pirate shall attend a movie with less than an Arrrr rating.

21. Only a pirate is capable of killing another pirate. If you are not a pirate (let’s say a ninja) and wish to challenge a pirate, they have a word for that. Corpse.

22. Pirate Law: “ARRRRRRRRRRR…” is a perfectly acceptable answer to any question.

23. A pirate does not “go shopping”. Unless by “shopping”, you mean “killing”.

24. Peglegs must be made of timber or some other suitable wood. Plastic, ceramic, porcelain, or metal peglegs are utterly unnacceptable, simply because it complicates the use of the phrase “shiver me timbers”.

25. Real pirates have chest hair. If you cannot grow chest hair, you may be a cabin boy.

26. Under no circumstances is a comb-over an acceptable pirate hairdo.

27. No pirate may ever change his shirt because it is “wrinkled”. A pirate may only change his shirt if it is completely soaked in blood.

28. When drinking, Pirates may sing. “Fifteen Men on a Dead Man’s Chest” is preferred. Kelly Clarkson songs are not allowed.

29. No pirate shall ever drive a minivan, unless he drives the minivan into a tavern, for the purposes of looting barrels of rum from said tavern. Upon completion of this task, the minivan is to be burned. No exceptions.

30. No matter how hard it is raining, two pirates may never share an umbrella. Pirates do not fear rain.

31. If circumstances demand a career change, a move into real estate brokerage or tax collection shall be considered a lateral move and said individual may keep their pirate status.

32. A pirate does not snuggle with an animal, unless he is trying to snap its neck. But I guess that wouldn’t really be “snuggling”.

33. A pirate may never wear another man’s clothing, unless he first kills that man.

34. Two pirates must never share a bed or a hammock. It is perfectly acceptable for one pirate to sleep on the floor, or on a pile of treasure.

35. Pirates do not wear eyeglasses or bifocals unless they are looking at a treasure map, and even then they are allowed only a monacle. Any comments about “Mr. Peanut” while wearing the monacle are prohibited.

36. When setting out on a voyage, a pirate does not pack a suitcase. He is only to bring what he can carry under his arms, or what his wench can carry on her back.
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37. Pirates do not go shopping. They go lootin’ and plunderin’. –>

38. A pirate does not mow the lawn. Lawns are for landlubbers.

39. Lifting or removing one’s eyepatch is extremely impolite but is not considered an insult. It’s just kinda gross. Likewise, one should never remove another pirate’s eyepatch, except with a sword to the face.

40. Pirates never use the words “fresh” or “feelings,” and certainly not together (as in “I have that not-so-fresh feeling”).

41. A pirate must never visit a tanning salon. If he is not already tan enough from searching for treasure, he hasn’t been searching hard enough.

42. While creativity is encouraged during any barfight or battle at sea, pirates may only use the following types of sword; falchions, scimitars, rapiers, and particularly long knives. Katanas or any other Ninja sword are strictly forbidden, unless the Pirate rips off a Ninja’s arm and hurls the arm, and attached Katana, as a projectile.

43. No pirate shall ever sit on a toilet seat, for any reason.

44. Kidnapping is an acceptable substitute for killing, but only if it is for the purpose of plank walking at a later time.

45. When swimming, pirates do not dive. They cannonball.

46. Cannoneers aboard a pirate vessel are not allowed to use hearing protection of any sort. No matter what the OSHA regulations say, if ye can’t stand bleedin’ from the ears, you have no business being a Pirate.

47. A pirate will never wear a patch that is any other color than black; unless it’s halloween. then they can wear a patch with an eyeball painted on the outside. Polka dots are not permitted under any circumstances.

48. Female pirates are allowed some exception to rules concerning hygiene and garmentry, but must make up for it by using twice as much profanity.

49. Hooks are the only acceptable hand substitute. However, they may not have secondary attachments such as screwdrivers, bottle openers, corkscrews, or nail files. These are Pirates we’re talking about, not Inspector Gadget.

50. A pirate’s diet consists mainly of meat. If at sea, and meat is not available, shoe leather is an acceptable replacement.

51. Pirate Law: You can’t spell pirate, without “irate”. There’s a reason for that, so don’t even try.

52. No pirate will ever, ever raise his pinky when drinking any sort of beverage.

53. Pirate Law: When choosing clothing, even if it looks dirty, or smells dirty, it is clean.

54. A pirate may ride in a rowboat, if traveling to or from his ship. Use of a Kayak is only permitted if used for cannon target practice.

55. When drinking rum, the only thing a pirate adds to the rum is more rum.

56. The official Pirate religion is Pastafarianism.

57. No pirate shall ever play wiffle ball.

58. Under no circumstances does a pirate speak with a Ninja, unless he first decapitates that Ninja and uses his head like a sock puppet.

59. When at the office, answering the telephone with “Arrrrrrr” is perfectly acceptable for pirates. Other acceptable choices are “Avast!”, and “Ahoy Matey!”

60. A Pirate does not read poetry, unless said poetry is scrawled on the wall of a bathroom.

61. All women are to be referred to as wenches, with the exception of female Pirates, who can be referred to as “lass”.

62. Pirates do not clean up, except when gold falls out of a treasure chest.

63. Spilling rum is not acceptable, except in the act of “pouring some out for dead mateys”.

64. A pirate may tell any tale of swashbuckling without being called on the details, as long as at least 51% of the story is true.

65. A pirate may never shave below the neck. Shaving above the neck is allowed, but only if the pirate shaves his entire head. In the presence of cannibals, a mohawk is acceptable.

66. No pirate may do the arm movements for “YMCA”, or engage in country-western line-dancing.

67. Pirates do not say “please” or “thank you”. The phrase “Arrr, I’ll probably kill you tomorrow” is an acceptable alternative for “Thank you”.

68. Should the ship’s bow have a carving of a naked wench, mermaid, or something of the like, crew members should not touch it. Feeling up a wooden statue is unbecoming of a pirate.

69. Pirates do not “IM”. The only instant message allowed is a sword through the chest.

70. Dental Hygiene for Pirates is not a priority. Should there be occasion, however, strong rum or salt water can be used as mouthwash. Anything “minty fresh” is strictly forbidden.

71. Pirates never, ever obey laws. Period. Ironic, I realize.

And finally, How do you know if you are a pirate? You just “Arrrrrrrr”…

Thanks to:

Connor M, Greg B, CT G, Bruce M., JC W, Don N, Phil H, Thom K, Nonda L, Bryan C., Menno C, Nathan W., Ernesto F, Shane C, Sebastian S, Vladimir S, Jesse B, Ray H. and Dudley B.